*Upbeat Intro Music fades in*
Jake: “Hi, I’m Jake Lanning. I am Junior English-Literature major at Susquehanna University, and I was a gay athlete.”
*Upbeat Intro Music fades out*
Jake: “Now I know what you’re thinking. Gay athletes might not be as much of a rarity as they once were, but when I was an athlete back in 2020-2021, it was a little bit of a rarity. It wasn’t something that everyone was doing, and when I say I was a gay athlete I’m saying that I was someone who knew that they were gay but wasn’t saying anything so I could continue playing football and not feel bad, which is a horrible thing to feel. I would, you know…
*Weightlifting Noises Enter*
Jake: “go to practice and be very vocal. I was very boisterous about the things that I felt and about my teammates and having each other’s backs and all of those things that you tie into being a football player, but I would go home and just be so upset because I was just lying to everyone.”
*Weightlifting Noises Exit*
Jake: “And by the time I got to my senior year of high school, and like tenth year of playing football, I’m now the captain, all eyes are on me, and how can I be gay and have their respect? That wasn’t something that ever happened. It wasn’t something that was in the media; it wasn’t something that people wanted to really appreciate because around the same time we had things like Carl Nassib coming out and being proud and an NFL player, and it was awesome; it was awesome to watch, and it gave me hope. But it still felt like I had a choice to make where it was either A.) I can play football and I can be straight, and I can show everybody that I’m straight, or B.) I quit playing football, and I could live the life that I want to live, but at the cost of giving up something that was my entire life. So, I didn’t know what to do.”
Jake: “By the time football ended, I decided that I couldn’t live the way I was living anymore, and luckily for me I found somebody who I fell in love with, and I am still with him today, um but, I knew that I would need to change my life to be with him. And I did that, I did that. I came out my senior year of high school and at that point I was like “You know what? I haven’t done everything that I wanted to do. I haven’t- I haven’t seen all the things I wanted to see. I haven’t tried all the things I want to try.” So, I joined the track team. I joined the track team. I became a thrower, and I did some running events, and I’m not going to lie I was pretty darn good. I was pretty darn good at track. Um, but I ran track openly gay. And that was something that was terrifying.”
Jake: “Because being a gay athlete means you’re tokenized. You are one in a million. At least it’s what it feels like in North-Eastern/Central Pennsylvania. I think out of all the track meets that I had, I met one other gay person, and we were kind of forced to like talk to each other. We were forced to become friends, which wasn’t-it’s not a bad thing, but it’s also, you know, I can be friends with straight people. I can do things with straight people, and there’s all these stigmas around gay athletes, um, predominately male gay athletes, uh, where we’re not playing sports. We’re not doing those things because it’s a straight dominated thing. But why? You know what I mean? A lot of the gay athletes I look up to are women. Women/female athletes who are not straight and that is because they are playing their sports; dominating in their sports even. And it’s inspiring to see people, just people. Don’t even put a gender on it. It’s inspiring to see people do the things that they love, live the life that they want, and not give anything up. And I wish that I would have had that opportunity.”
Jake: “And now when I look back on it, I have a lot of-I have a lot of regrets. I have a lot of why did I do this like this? If that makes sense. I have a lot of, “Why am I- why am I so frustrated with myself? With who I am?” Because of a ball that I snap between my legs.
*DRAMATIC Outro Music fades in*
Jake: “Why does it matter so much? It shouldn’t matter so much. And that’s something that I had to tell myself. But I know that there is people like me out there. I know that there is a kid, right now, who doesn’t feel like they can be themselves because of what they’re doing. And you can, and you should. You should. Is it going to be hard? Hell yeah. Yes, it is. It’s going to be the most difficult thing, but it’s worth it. It’s worth it. Because the smile that you are going to have are so much different. So much more genuine. It’s a whole new life. It’s something-it’s something that we don’t talk about. It’s something that we don’t discuss, and we should. We should talk about it more. We should discuss these things more. But we’re not. Because it’s not popularized. It’s not welcomed the way that it should be, but, there are people like me. There are people who are playing their sports, and they are very worried that who they decide to go home to at the end of the night is going to be the deciding factor of whether or not they get playing time. So there is people like me. And it’s good to know that I am not alone. But I am Jake Lanning, and I was a gay athlete.”
*DRAMATIC Outro Music fades out*
Credits:
Production Team: Jake Lanning
Music & Sound: Freesound.org, especially Johnnie_Holiday and tyops.
Voiceover: Jake Lanning
Please visit us at me-us-u.org!